This is going to be one of those rambly posts that starts inone place and then goes to a lot of other places instead of to a nice, neatconclusion.
Let’s start with Christopher Hitchens. As you probably know,he passed away this last Thursday.
WhenI was mormon, I pretty much believed he was a god-hating evil atheist devil. Sowhen I left the church, I quite naturally sought out some of his writings tosee what he really believed. I learned that he was, indeed, an atheist. Butevil devil? Not even close. I did a post a while back highlighting some of hisquotations. Here are a few more:
“Islam makes very large claims for itself. In its art, thereis a prejudice against representing the human form at all. The prohibition onpicturing the prophet—who was only another male mammal—is apparently absolute.So is the prohibition on pork or alcohol or, in some Muslim societies, music ordancing. Very well, then, let a good Muslim abstain rigorously from all these.But if he claims the right to make me abstain as well, he offers the clearestpossible warning and proof of an aggressive intent.”
“Nothing optional—from homosexuality to adultery—is evermade punishable unless those who do the prohibiting (and exact the fiercepunishment) have a repressed desire to participate.” (coughBoydKPackercough)
“The only real radicalism in our time will come as it alwayshas—from people who insist on thinking for themselves and who rejectparty-mindedness.”
“If religious instruction were not allowed until the childhad attained the age of reason, we would be living in a quite different world.”(And in my not so humble opinion, I do not believe that at 8 years old a childis capable of understanding religion and the significance it plays in one’slife.)
“Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedesit.” (I don’t have values because I used to be Presbyterian/non-denominationalChristian/Mormon. I have values because I have values.)
“Atheists have always argued that this world is all that wehave, and that our duty is to one another to make the very most and best ofit.” (I’m more agnostic than atheist, but I do agree with this statement.)
“We have the same job we always had: to say that there areno final solutions; there is no absolute truth; there is no supreme leader;there is no totalitarian solution that says if you would just give up yourfreedom of inquiry, if you would just give up, if you would simply abandon yourcritical faculties, the world of idiotic bliss can be yours.” (And what doesMormonism do? Give up your freedom of inquiry, follow the prophet, and you willsomeday be a god or goddess, although being a god is better because then youcan have a lot of wives and being a goddess means that you are always pregnantand, presumably, barefoot.)
Okay, that’s enough for now of Christopher Hitchens. Isalute his memory, and am glad that I got to read some of his writings andlearned that he wasn’t a devil at all. He was an honest man, searching for thetruth.
I have been growing out my hair for more than 2 years, andover the last few weeks got the urge to cut it all off. After all, what’s thepoint of growing one’s hair, if all one ever does is stick it up in a clip? SoI showed my husband the photo of the hair style I wanted, and he reluctantlysaid he thought it would be okay. Note that I didn’t care what he thought,because I am perfectly capable, despite the fact that I’m a mere woman, ofthinking for myself. And I got it all cut off on Saturday afternoon, ended upwith a pixieish haircut. And I love it. And he threw the nastiest, mosthorrible temper tantrum imaginable when I got home, telling me how awful itlooked, and how ugly it made me, and I can’t remember (and don’t want to) allthe other ugly things he said. For the record, every other person who hascommented on it has said how great it looks. And even if they didn’t, itwouldn’t matter, because I love it! (Ok,one comment did take me aback—my mother said it makes me look more like her.Don’t get me wrong. I adore my mother. She’s batshit crazy, incredibly smart,and has no sense at all of womanhood with a capital W. I don’t want to looklike her. But I checked the mirror, and I think I just look like myself.)
And speaking of myhusband’s temper tantrums, he threw two this weekend. It was very unpleasant,because according to him, everything that goes wrong is my fault, and I’m thelaziest person who ever walked the face of the earth. Please FSM, intervene with the powers that beto get our house taken care of, and get me that promotion to management so Ican have enough money to live on, and then send him to Europe or some place farfar away on long term assignment. And then he can stay in Europe and I can stayhere and not be married anymore. That sounds blissful to me. Or if not, he canhave the house and I can get an apartment by work. I couldn’t stay in the onewe’re currently occupying, because no way on earth can I afford the rent there,but there are others equally close that cost less money. What just pisses me off more than anything isthe way that he’ll be so unbearably ugly to me, and then when I say I’m goingto sleep at my sister’s and not come home, he tells me how much he loves me.Excuse me? That’s not love.
Okay, I guess that’s enough rambling for one day. Lots on mymind, and feeling angry and stressed and impotent to act until things changeenough that I can act. That doesn’t make any sense. I feel like I need to waituntil the house is repaired. Everything is so up in the air right now, and itdoesn’t feel like the right time to separate. It’ll just be one more stressoron top of way too many stressors. And perhaps I’ll have that promotion by thetime the house is repaired, so I can afford to live on my own, and we canfigure it out then.